do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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