was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
