Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
