remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
