if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
