Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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