I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
