Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
