last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
