So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
