really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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