i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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