I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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