I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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