You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
