so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i think im in europe. pls send help
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