In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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