Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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