Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
