Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
