brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
