My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
