The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I want is dick and wine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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