God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
