i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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