Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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