im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
