I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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