i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
