i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
