i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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