my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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