Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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