the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
