can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
try to milk me bitch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
