from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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