we have officially lost it.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
