Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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