Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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