PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
