Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
