i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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