I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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