I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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