did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
