Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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