i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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