But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
