Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
