not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
