if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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