There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
