I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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