your parents love me but you hate me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
